


something that holds you, like gravity

by softiejace



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of violence and injuries, Nevada, Pining, Puns & Word Play, Recovery, Roommates, Slow Burn, Stargazing, Stars, and a tiny bit of wars, aspiring astronaut finn, astrophysicist finn, mentions of food, mentions of minor character death prior to the story, ohmygod they were roommates, secret agent poe, shoutout to finnpoe stan no. 1: oscar isaac, space, the trope where they act like a married couple before they even get together, this gets really sappy. you've been warned, yes this is a sexy concept what are you talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 21:29:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21483145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softiejace/pseuds/softiejace
Summary: Far out in the Nevada desert, two men who could not be more different find solace in the stars and something to come home to.There are two things he keeps from Finn.One is his growing infatuation with the other man, though he’s getting increasingly worse at hiding it and keeping up the appropriate platonic barriers.The other is what he does for a living.
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Finn, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 21
Kudos: 222





	something that holds you, like gravity

**Author's Note:**

> gravity:  
1\. the force of attraction by which terrestrial bodies tend to fall toward the center of the earth.  
2\. serious or critical nature: _He seemed to ignore the gravity of his illness._

Finn looks nothing like what Poe would have imagined a physicist to look like.

For one thing, he’s young, a few years Poe’s junior. But more shockingly, he’s _fit_.

Like, to the point where one of his morning routines is doing no less than a hundred push-ups before breakfast.

He’s also black, which if Poe’s being honest was not one of his first associations with the word _ astrophysicist_, either, despite Neil deGrasse Tyson – and, yeah, that’s his bad.

Poe has since learned about Katherine Johnson, the black woman who according to Finn was “the human computer” behind the moon landing. (Right after learning that jokes about the moon landing being a scam do not _ land _well with Finn.)

They move in together somewhere between the end of winter and early spring, having found one another on a housemates website where they both expressed interest in the same bungalow in the desert, a few miles from the nearest town.

Despite their initial differences, they soon hit it off. Finn is a pleasant enough housemate - he keeps the kitchen clean, leaves no hair in the shower drain, and doesn’t hog the TV when Poe gets home.

This is vital, because lying on the sofa with his legs over the armrest and mindless reality TV on in the background to keep his mind just in between occupied and relaxed is how Poe recharges after a hard day’s work. And instead of getting in the way of this habit, Finn hangs out at the other end of the sofa, textbook in his lap and the occasional sarcastic comment on the tip of his tongue.

He’s got a talent for making Poe snort with laughter no matter the mood he’s in.

They talk a lot.

Both of them are night owls, which Poe discovers in the first week when he’s on his way to the kitchen for a 2 a.m. snack and spots Finn lying on his back on the patio, staring up at the sky.

Two weeks pass before he first joins him, four before he drops off at some point and wakes up in broad daylight to a blanket draped over him and a bottle of water with the note “don’t get dehydrated, sleepyhead” taped to it.

Most nights he manages to stay awake for at least a few hours though, and their conversations soon progress from small talk and jokes to the real shit.

Poe learns that Finn grew up in the foster system, passed from one family to the other, and never really felt at home anywhere. In turn, he shares that his mother died when he was eight years old, and how he lost touch with his father after coming out at eighteen.

* * *

They learn from each other.

Poe shows a very clumsy but enthusiastic Finn how to change a light bulb and fix a sink, and in return Finn attempts to teach him all the constellations they can see in the clear Nevada nights. Poe doesn’t have the heart nor the guts to tell him he spends more time staring mesmerized at him than at the sky.

Finn tells him that the hard work of his studies is worth it for the degree, and Poe learns, through listening and watching, that Finn measures his self worth in academic achievements.

He quizzes Finn for his exams, astonished by how many complicated sounding things he’s memorized. Finn challenges him to work out with him and although Poe is in good shape, he has to push his limits to keep up.

They go running when the moon hangs big and bright in the sky and the streets are deserted, and Poe feels laughter bubble up inside him as if they were kids playing tag.

They talk about their deepest fears and wildest dreams.

Finn is afraid of abandonment but dreams of becoming an astronaut, which makes Poe laugh before he can stop himself.

Not because it’s absurd in itself, or because he doesn’t consider him capable. It’s just that – “Is there any place lonelier than space?”

“There’s a difference between being alone and being abandoned,” Finn tells him, stars reflected in his eyes. “Being alone can be nice. It can be a choice. Being abandoned is neither of those things.”

“Fair enough,” Poe muses, leaning back on his elbows. “But you can be alone in a lot of places that are easier to reach. Why travel to other planets?”

“Because there’s nothing that holds me on Earth.”

Poe holds his breath at that one, unsure how to respond, but then he nudges Finn.

“Really? Nothing at all?”

Finn gazes over at him, and a little smile tugs on his mouth.

“Well, except for your French toast, maybe,” he says, and Poe feels warmth explode inside his chest like a supernova.

He’s very glad he held back his gravity joke.

Their schedules work - Finn does most of his studying at home through an online course, drives to the nearby observatory twice a week, and cooks dinner when Poe gets home. Poe prepares them breakfast before he goes to work. Sometimes they eat it together, the TV on in the background, sometimes he leaves it on the table when Finn sleeps in late.

At other times, he has to go away for days. He tells Finn it’s for advanced training.

Four months pass and they fall into a comfortable routine. It’s the most mundane life Poe has lived in years and he revels in it. Before long, Finn has become his best friend, the person closest to him, the one who knows him inside and out – almost.

There are two things he keeps from Finn.

One is his growing infatuation with the other man, though he’s getting increasingly worse at hiding it and keeping up the appropriate platonic barriers.

The other is what he does for a living.

In the beginning, he told Finn that he worked for an IT firm. Really, _ information technology specialist _ is probably the most accurate euphemism for his job that he could’ve come up with.

It sounds boring enough that Finn doesn’t expect Poe to go on about it every other day, and plausible enough for their location, the IT sector having been on the rise for the past few years in Nevada.

* * *

The lie holds up until one day in early June, to the day he’s been planning and training for ever since he was relocated to Nevada. It ends up in him getting shot – barely grazed, really – and waking up in a hospital bed with a shell-shocked Finn staring down at him, because of course, reckless fool that he is, he’s listed him as his emergency contact.

He’s allowed to leave the next day, bullet removed and the wound on his thigh stitched up neatly. Finn lets him lean on his shoulder on the way to the car, never mind the crutches.

“So what happened?” Finn asks on the ride home, steering wheel gripped so tight his knuckles are white against his dark skin. 

Poe can’t bring himself to bullshit him. He respects Finn too much for that. Besides, he’s still pumped full of morphine.

“Mission went sideways,” he says, leaning his head against the window and watching Finn through half-lidded eyes. “I’m with the secret service.”

Whether it’s his placid tone or the content of his words, Finn gives an unamused snort, like he doesn’t think Poe has grasped the gravity of the situation.

“The truth, please?”

Poe sighs, his eyes drifting from Finn’s strong hands that are clutching the wheel to his beautiful face, the unusually hard set of his jaw, his clenched teeth.

“I told you,” he murmurs, feeling at once very tired and very sorry. “I’m an agent. Secret agent. Couldn’t tell you. _ Shouldn’t _be telling you,” he reiterates, then breaks off into a yawn.

He must have nodded off because he doesn’t remember Finn’s reply. When he comes to, he’s in his bed.

It takes him a moment to realize that Finn – wonderful, strong Finn – must have carried him in from the car. He’s even taken off his shoes.

The orange light of the sunset filters in through a gap in the blinds.

He feels dazed.

There’s a glass of water on his bedside table, next to a pill bottle.

He thinks about picking it up. His throat feels parched.

A memory flashes through his head, _ “Don’t get dehydrated, sleepyhead.” _

The door opens and he turns his head to see Finn walking in with a plate of toast and eggs.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

He hands Poe the plate. “Doctor said you shouldn’t take the pills on an empty stomach.”

“Thank you,” Poe croaks. His stomach is grumbling. He starts to eat slowly, small bites in spite of watering mouth.

Finn is still standing next to the bed and Poe feels burned by his gaze. He’s got his arms crossed, watching Poe eat and then swallow the painkillers.

Poe feels terrified that he’s gone and ruined what they had by being honest.

Terrified that Finn is going to leave.

“Poe.”

His plate is almost empty and he places it at the side before he looks up.

Finn’s eyes are dark and intense, searching Poe’s face.

Poe does his best to maintain eye contact.

“Were you being serious?”

Now is Poe’s chance to take back what he’s said and try to restore a sense of normalcy in their lives. He could make up a story of how he got caught in the line of fire, reassure Finn that this sort of thing won’t happen again...

He swallows. ”Yeah,” he says. “I’m really not supposed to tell you, or anyone, but - yeah.”

Finn lets out a slow breath. “Fuck.” Then he sinks onto the edge of Poe’s bed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you.”

“It’s okay,” Poe says softly. “It does sound pretty far-fetched. There are easier ways to get caught in a shooting in America.”

Finn rubs a hand across his face. “Yes but – as someone whose job aspiration is astronaut, I really should’ve given you the benefit of the doubt.”

Before Poe can say anything, he drops his hands and his eyes are wide.

“Wait, is that why you never let me use your computer? Why you have like fifteen different passwords protecting it? I thought there was just some really weird porn in your browser history.”

Poe starts to laugh, his body shaking with it, and Finn grins at him bashfully.

They’re back to normal after that, except Poe doesn’t lie anymore.

* * *

More time passes and they grow even closer. In many ways, their flat share has felt like a partnership already, their chores distributed evenly.

But the lines blur further now that Poe has to depend on Finn for basic tasks like getting in and out of the shower, and in and out of bed. He can’t stand or walk on his own for very long, needs crutches to get around the house.

He doesn’t leave the house for work for a month. His boss assigns him what is essentially a desk job.

Soon after his stitches are removed, he gets the OK to start training the muscles in his leg again, and Finn is very helpful with that, researching all the best gentle work-out methods and performing them alongside him.

They’ve gotten used to going to bed at the same time since Poe has needed Finn’s assistance. Even afterwards, they rarely go to sleep alone anymore – whether they fall asleep stargazing or curled up against one another watching TV.

Eventually he’s healed and trained enough to go back into the field, and he’s itching for it. The first day that he leaves, Finn tells him, “be careful.”

Poe replies, “Always am.”

From that point on, they say it every time he leaves.

Finn passes his exams and they celebrate his one step closer to his degree with drinks on the patio. They lie on the blanket, watching the stars, pressed together from shoulder to hip. When Poe props himself up on his elbows, ready to get up and go to bed, his tipsy brain makes him very nearly lean in before he catches himself.

* * *

But of course, there comes another mission that doesn’t go entirely as planned. One day in August, Poe’s cover is blown and he’s forced to go on a wild-goose chase across the country to throw the pursuers off his track.

Eventually, he receives the message that his supervisors have taken them out, and makes his way back home two days later than announced, bone-tired, dirt and dried blood on his face and in his hair when he stumbles through the door.

In the living room, he finds Finn, sleep-deprived and near hysterics.

He stands as soon as he sees Poe, eyes wide and swaying on his feet.

“I thought you were dead. I wanted to report you missing but then I didn’t even know where you went and if you’d get in trouble if I pull the cops into it –”

“I’m sorry,” Poe says, feeling pained. “You know I couldn’t tell you more than I did.”

“You could’ve called.”

He shakes his head. “I had no way of reaching you without alerting them of your existence.”

Finn bursts into tears at that, sinking down onto the floor. Poe takes a hesitant step forward.

Finn’s sobbing into the crooks of his arms that are wrapped around himself. It takes a moment before Poe can make out words.

“I can’t lose you. I-I can’t lose this. I’ve never felt so - so _ at home _anywhere in my life.” When he lifts his head, his cheeks are streaked with glittering paths and his eyes are bloodshot. 

Poe can’t look away. 

“I know this is hypocritical coming from someone who’s planning to leave this fucking planet,” Finn says, his voice rough, “but it doesn’t change the way that I feel. I can’t lose you, Poe.”

“You won’t,” Poe says softly. He kneels down on the floor in front of Finn, taking his hands so Finn won’t hide his face - and to hold onto them.

Nothing else exists - not his pain nor his hunger or need for sleep.

Only this:

Finn’s hands in his. His warm, desperate eyes. The current of electricity, the law of physics that connects them, inscrutable to Poe.

When he speaks, his voice is quiet but unwavering.

“I understand that you’re worried, Finn, but you’re just going to have to trust that I’ll always come back home. Because I will always come back to you, Finn. I wish there was a way to make you see that.”

Finn swallows, lowering his lashes. “I wish there was a way to make sure of that.”

And then he kisses Poe.

* * *

In hindsight, Poe thinks, there was no better way to make sure he would always return to Finn.

He knows that Finn is just at the beginning of his career in astrophysics. He doesn’t even have his degree yet. While he’s brilliant, he is by no means an Einstein.

But Poe doesn’t care. In his eyes, Finn has discovered gravity.


End file.
